Lungs, Team Sky and Strava

Last year I wrote a little piece about my lungs for work. After a year I can say I positively have not followed my own advice.


Mine this year though have been crap. This disappoints me as it’s probably the first year I’ve started with a huge amount of enthusiasm to become nearly an athlete. Instead of racking those miles up, building speed, losing body fat, becoming better. I’ve been sitting on a sofa eating Ben and Jerry’s. I want to argue that this is a travesty but I can’t find it in myself to say a bad word about ice cream, forget bacon, ice cream is the true reason you can’t become a vegan. If Ben and Jerry’s read this, I am a highly motivated athlete, with many ambitious plans and just ripe for the old sponsorship deal.

My main problem is the doctor keeps prescribing me steroids and I keep thinking I should keep these aside for when I’m allowed to train again. This idea is being planted in my head by most professional athletes, it seems the only way forward and also I think it might be harder to prove than shoving a motor in my bike. You know if everyone else is doing it, well I’m only leveling the playing field. That’s the “Lance Armstrong technique” ®, it’s a fun training system, the hardest bit is learning to scowl at the whole world.

The reason for all the drugs and ice cream, who says cycling isn’t rock’n’roll, is that I went and rode a bike when I should have stayed in. Had a small cold and did that fake macho thing of “I’ll be alright, it’s only a cold”. 3 weeks later and finally I can see the error of my ways. That one day of riding has now cost me 21 days of not riding, now I know rest days are important for recovery and therefore allowing your body to adapt but I think 21 consecutive rest days is a bit over the top or I should be one of the greatest athletes ever now as my body has totally adapted to one day’s cycling. It’s called the student technique.

Basically, my whole point here is, don’t go and ride a bike when you have a cold, stay in and eat ice cream. I recommend Ben and Jerry’s Utter Peanut Butter Clutter. It’ll make you feel better and ready to pound those miles again. I am available for coaching sessions.

See some good advice, especially the ice cream part but yet again I am here with chest problems and the ability to cough up lots of little bits of phlegm. Honestly, I am thinking about taking up smoking to justify my cough. I am sure I could make up a lame joke about Team Sky and mystery packages here, but I just no longer have the strength.

Although I have seen that the decided to branch out from PEDs and now get into racial abuse, great going guys. Although I do see they have banned Gianni Moscon for 6 weeks, that will teach him and at least thankfully he will miss his major season goals of the Italian champs and the Tour De France… ah.

However, I am happy to see that have decided to tell people not to buy ceramic bearings. Having spent time working in the Scottish bike trade I am sick to death of telling people not to buy ceramic bearings, they just do not like the Scottish climate. Generally, their response would be that ‘Bikeradar told me to buy them’, which is yet another reason to hate Bikeradar and is much like saying Coca-Cola told me to buy a carbonated beverage, that was preferably black and color and not called Pepsi.

The next great thing in cycling is that Strava is getting ready to allow you to post all that stuff that you post on Facebook, that no one cares about to another medium for people not to care about and probably just contains all the same people. This and their emojis will be their downfall.

Enjoy your Tuesday.

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