Socks

 

The UCI have many problems. Parity of pay between male and female races. The new World Tour schedule. The mockery they made of the Chris Froome case. Banning power meters, race radios, Team Sky, ASO. The Cardoso case. Thankfully though they have put their heads together and sorted cycling in one simple rule change.

They have brought in a rule about sock height. Thankfully we will now see the end of staged protests. There will be no boycotts. Everyone will be thankful that tanlines are back in acceptable places. Thank you, UCI.

In order not to violate the fashion police’s laws you can no longer have a sock that sits more than halfway between your knee and your ankle. I’m presuming this harks back to the days of Lance Armstrong, and the UCI have gotten confused between performance enhancing drugs and performance enhancing socks.

I decided to do some investigative reporting. Then I decided I would just take a leaf out of Rory Stewart’s book, I think they have been bestsellers. I have discovered that this is because the pharmacy industry is worth way more money than the cycling sock industry. The UCI has decided that this is a fight that they can win. They can bring down the dastardly sweatshop employees who are constructed these nefarious weapons of aerodynamics.

You may laugh but when was the last time you saw a Tour de France winner with short socks? Now we will have retro-testing, and people will be stripped of their wins. Where will it end? Who will have one any major race in the last decade?

This is the clean up the sport has been waiting for.

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